Pie Chart Self-Portraits, 2002/2004
Influenced by the diagrammatic depictions of human behaviour particular to the psychiatrist RD Laing, King made these studies of his own psyche in the form of pie charts.
Figure 01: Self Portrait as a Catholic Pie Chart
CYAN: Does everybody constantly carry guilt? I bet they don’t.
MAGENTA: The worst thing about London is the pigeons. I really hate the pigeons. The government should introduce a pigeon genocide programme. There should be rewards given to pigeon murderers. It’d be attractive and glamorous work. Urban bounty hunters armed to the teeth with state-of-the-art pigeon murdering equipment.
YELLOW: My mum always says I ‘put myself down’. This is true. I started doing it self-consciously when I was about sixteen, it was actually false modesty. The problem is I’ve never stopped doing it, so it’s turned into a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The thing I hate about putting myself down is other people seem to think they can join in. I should point out to them that I’m involved in a complex form of social status role playing; and that really, I believe myself to be much better than them.
GREEN: I feel happy. I can’t remember the last time I had a period of prolonged happiness. It seems ridiculous. I can’t help feeling that I should become instantly unhappy, a repayment for my conceited joy. I should be struck down for my complacency.
Even David Bowie turned into a knob, eventually.
ORANGE: I’m feeling inventive today, I’ve just had a fantastic money-spinning idea: FREDDIE MERCURY STALK-O-GRAMS. I think they’d be a big hit. ‘Freddie’ would wear his white outfit, crown and long robe. He’d follow his target home from work, pretending he was just a commuter, reading his paper. But every time his client turned round, he’d be there, just minding his own business.
Figure 02: Self Portrait as a Catholic Pie Chart
DARK YELLOW: What’s the difference between ‘getting yourself back on track’ and finding yourself ‘in a rut’?
MAGENTA: It’s impossible to change. Temporary disguises seem to be much easier. Just ever so slightly different versions of exactly the same scenarios.
DARK BLUE: Most people seem quite nice.
ORANGE: Laing said: ‘True guilt is guilt at the obligation one owes oneself to be oneself. False guilt is guilt felt at not being what other people feel one ought to be or assume that one is’. I hope this is true.
CYAN: I shouldn’t be complacent. Something bad will happen tomorrow. It always does. A tax demand, an accident, a bus-related death. When I was really unhappy, I used to fantasise about dying by bus. I’d heroically leap out in front of one to save a kid who’d wandered into the road. She would survive, but I’d be killed, while doing something heroic.
YELLOW: I don’t ever do any work unless I feel guilty. Is everyone the same? I try and work for the sake of it, but I just can’t. I depend entirely on the fuel of guilt and anxiety. I just looked up the ‘The Basics of Catholicism’ on the internet and found a site called ‘All You Need To Know About Apologetics’. That’s me.
GREEN: There’s something wrong with me. I’m sure that I must be some kind of Catholic.
Figure 03: Self Portrait as a Catholic Pie Chart
YELLOW: I used to think I was miserable by nature. Actually, I think I affect a theatre of misery. The theatre of misery eliminates disappointment. It’s obviously a ‘defeatist’ stance, or rather it’s an obvious defeatist stance. I’m sick of being miserable, I’m sick of wallowing in it, it’s really cowardly. Apparently, one of the questions psychiatrists ask when they’re analysing patients for depression is: ‘Have you lost interest in your hobbies?’. That question is enough to depress anyone.
GREEN: There’s a particular tone to the phone when I ring my mum and dad’s house. It’s a really comforting tone, distinct from any other. I’ve rang them three times today. I’m worried they’re not telling me something. My dad has called me up to four times a day since he retired: ‘Have you got a pension/paid the taxman/got a mortgage yet? You’ve got to do it’.
MAGENTA: If I get out of bed after nine o’clock, I feel bad. I seem to have a kind of misplaced work ethic. Unfortunately, it rarely manifests itself as work, so I always feel guilty. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel guilty. In recent years I’ve had plenty of reasons to feel like this. I’ve been an arsehole enough times. The sad thing is, I feel like I’ve spent my whole life under a cloud of impending punishment.
My only real fear is the fear of being complacently happy. That would then lead to getting lung cancer, or something, and feeling like I deserve it.
I hate looking through the window of those All-Bar-One places. They’re shit.
It’s strange to think of yourself as a drunk. I never do. I always think it’s a temporary diversion, a pastime, just something to do. There’s a bloke who drinks in the Lord Nelson, Timmy. He’s a drunk. I saw him yesterday walking down the street drinking super-strength lager. I feel sorry for him, he’s a lovely man. Unfortunately, he drinks cider for breakfast, Olde English Breakfast Cider.
Self-Portrait as a Catholic Pie Chart, 2002, digital prints on paper, 4 parts, each 29.7 x 42cm / 11.69 x 16.5in.
Figure 04: Self Portrait as a Catholic Pie Chart
YELLOW: I’m going to develop a Camberwick Green persona. A clanking, animated, Middle England Attitude. It will take me half an hour just to cross the street. I am going to become Windy Miller. I’ll wave at strangers and smile, I’ll wish them ‘Good Morning’ with a mechanical wave. I’ll pretend to be someone else. I’ll say the opposite to what I think. ‘How are you today?’ ‘Fantastic. I’ve never felt so good’. ‘Did you have a nice weekend?’ ‘Fantastic, I went fell walking and swimming on Saturday’. ‘Oh, excellent, I love to go fell walking and swimming. Don’t you?’ ‘Yes, I do, it’s excellent isn’t it?’ ‘Yes, it’s excellent and so is swimming, on a Saturday’ ‘It’s excellent on Saturdays’.
GREEN: I think I’ve just bought a house, with a hedge. I’m not sure if it’s the hedge or the house that scares me. I think it’s the hedge. I know it’s the hedge.
PURPLE: I’ve never got what I wanted. I’ve always got less. But then, and only now and then, I get more. A surprise, a gift. Sometimes things work out better than I could ever expect. It’s like when the sun comes out on a grey day. That simple moronic human thing, when you go to yourself: ‘What a lovely day. Life’s worth living’.
RED: Someone once said of Johnny Thunders: ‘He was the only guy I knew who could snatch defeat from the jaws of victory’. I wonder about Johnny Thunders. I think he must’ve enjoyed being a loser. It’s much easier than being a ‘winner’. There are so few expectations, and those are really easy to achieve: take drugs, be a mess, die in a cheap hotel. Within his own agenda he probably considered himself to be a huge success.
CYAN: Tomorrow, I’m going to conduct a social experiment. I’m going to give an extremely positive response to every question, request or demand that is asked of me. ‘Would you mind if we pay you less than the sum we agreed while simultaneously asking you to do twice as much work as we first discussed?’ ‘Of course not, that’d be lovely’. ‘Would it be OK if I pay you in four months for the work you completed six weeks ago?’ ‘No problem. You don’t have to pay me at all if you don’t want to’.
Self-Portrait as a Pie Chart (on the Verge of Collapse), 2004, PVC on wire frame, 127 x 180cm / 50 x 70in.
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